Wednesday, April 22, 2015

So long my son. You are always in my heart.

Seems that I come here when something bad has happened or is making me sad. Today it is because my son died on April 7th, 2015. We had a funeral in Salt Lake City and this is what I wrote to speak about.

Unconditional love is something that lives within us all, but the moment you make that first connection with your child, that first look or first touch, cupid’s arrow pierces your heart with a truer and deeper understanding.

When Byron’s son was born, I was lucky enough to be there thanks to the graciousness of Sarah, Atlas’ mother. I thought at the moment the most important thing was seeing Atlas be born, yet there was something else just as important.  It was that unforgettable moment while Byron was holding his son, turned his head, looked into my eyes and I saw unconditional love being born within my son for his son.

Byron held a lot of dreams within himself. Before Atlas was born I would say they may have been more about himself, but since that moment, I believe they have all begun and ended with Atlas in mind.

He wasn’t stingy in his dreams. He was ready and willing to share with anyone. He was happy to bring you along. If you know Byron at all, you will know this to be true.

Sometimes Byron wished that I could dream bigger and more frequently and sometimes I wished that he would dream less.

As my husband said to me the other night, Byron didn’t realize that he was already wealthy and had the pot of gold. It is the wealth of his heart and the many friends and family who loved him.

Within the last few years, Byron started working with what he called a life coach. He only mentioned this to me without giving great detail. He would occasionally say he had just gotten off of the phone with this person and discuss it a little or say that he couldn’t talk long with me long as he needed to get ready for this call. Byron was sorting out and working on all things that he felt could possibly hold him back and keep him from having a totally clear heart.

Many of you sitting here believe that your body is your temple. It is your vessel. You wouldn’t pour poison into your vessel, but we many times carry poison around within us if we carry anger and are unwilling to forgive. Sometimes it is ourselves we need to forgive as well as others. Byron understood this and was seeking to dump anything unworthy. If you feel injury or trespass has happened to you, forgive. If you have caused injury or trespass, seek forgiveness. If you follow his lead, your heart will grow exponentially with love.

Life is truly shorter than we think and it can change in an instant as I recently witnessed. I am going to ask you on Byron’s behalf, to empty your vessel of any poisons. They are not hurting anyone, but the vessel they are contained within.

My husband’s contribution to this day comes from a most apropos piece of music. It is called “One Safe Place” by Marc Cohn.

How many roads you’ve traveled

How many dreams you’ve chased

Across sand and sky and gravel

Looking for one safe place.

Will you make a smoother landing

When you break your fall from grace

Into the arms of understanding

Looking for one safe place

Life is trial by fire

And love’s the sweetest taste

And I pray it lifts us higher

To one safe place

How many roads we’ve traveled

How many dreams we’ve chased

Across sand and sky and gravel looking for one safe place.

I am not always inspired to write poetry, but

I wrote this poem about Byron when he was little.

Laughter, laughter all the way

Chattering throughout the day

He can chase away the darkest clouds

Racing against the wind, the sun in his smile

He can tickle you without a touch, the mischief clear in his eyes

He can be rough and tough, denying your help

Yet when he sleeps or he cuddles in your arms, he is so soft…..

You become enchanted all over again

This Joie de vivre, and you see so much

The man that is coming, the boy that is now

My son.


Lastly, how can you stop a sun(son)-ray from shining?

You most assuredly can’t. You can step into the shade if it is shining too brightly, or maybe a cloud is keeping it from your view, but it is there as sure as the moon and stars are.

I believe Dr. David Viscott once said that to be loved, lovable, and loving is to feel the sun on both sides. So as we step outside today to celebrate together the life and love that was Byron. I am also asking that you bask in that sunshine, feel the warmth and know that Byron is with you always. That sunshine on your shoulder that makes you happy…’s him.